I Live in a Glass House
I live in inner-city Melbourne, and recently, workmen started on a six-story office building almost on my doorstep. Looking through my glass roof, I can almost touch a crane.
‘Our’ laneway will be blocked for 18 months, and many of the workmen seem to like the doof doof music (is that how you spell it?) that wakes me each morning. Their fridge-sized amplifier drowns out the noise of their generators, which is drowning out the noise of the cement trucks, which is drowning out the noise of the trams.
I am privileged to live in this house, and given the growth of the city, I always knew that there would be building sites springing up around me. However, despite the soundproofing, the relentless thumping bass notes of rap pound my head and are disruptive and frustrating. I’ve got a newsletter to write.
I admit I got annoyed the other day. It rarely happens, and when it does, I think, “What good can I do with this?”
So, with my Assertive Conversation framework in mind, I left my front door to make progress with the auditory violators while seeking to keep on good terms with them as we will continue to be working next to each other for more than the next year. And this might end up being a rather minor issue when all is said and done.
Choosing assertion rather than aggression or passivity
The old saying, "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones”, reminds us that we all have our own vulnerabilities. I want my good intentions and respect for their workplace satisfaction to be reciprocated and to take care of my own sanity. I’m not interested in continually increasing micro stresses matching the rise of the building.
In my small part of the world that has become full of noise, negotiating towards silence becomes the act of the day.
Next Steps
It doesn’t take long to learn a recipe for asserting yourself. Most people can say what the steps are very easily. However, what is difficult, is putting all of the steps into action. Most of us leave out a few steps; we have tethers and anchors to shed from what kept us safe in the past but no longer serve us. It's the shift from the knowledge of what to say to the insight and wisdom needed to make it happen.
State our opinions as if they were facts
Fail to empathise or acknowledge others’ views
Make demands instead of requests or offers
Have our conversation in an inappropriate mood
Keep safe by being passive
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Assertive Conversations Require Insight and Wisdom
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